


A Riff on the Greatest Story Ever Told

by julie



Series: The Judas Riffs [1]
Category: Jesus Christ Superstar - All Media Types
Genre: Betrayal, Canonical Character Death, Forgiveness, Gen, Heaven, M/M, Requited Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-07
Updated: 2007-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:14:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23630677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/julie
Summary: Judas, much to his own surprise, finds himself in Heaven.
Relationships: Jesus Christ & Judas Iscariot, Jesus Christ/Judas Iscariot
Series: The Judas Riffs [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701079
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	A Riff on the Greatest Story Ever Told

**Author's Note:**

> While I am an atheist, I am fascinated by the Jesus story, and Judas’s role in it. _Jesus Christ Superstar_ has been an intrinsic part of my life since I was about twelve, which is a long time ago now! These stories were inspired by the rock opera and the ideas behind it, though I feel the stories are my own.
> 
> **Warnings:** Believers may find these stories challenging, wrongheaded or just plain distasteful – but all I can do is assure you that I mean no disrespect to Jesus. Please remember that the stories are told from Judas’s point of view, and ultimately Jesus remains an enigma to him.
> 
> **First published:** 7 January 2007 on Harlequin's Slash Site

# A Riff on the Greatest Story Ever Told

♦

At first he couldn’t see anything; everything was shrouded in fog. He tripped over things, barked his shins, walked face–first into walls. He was a mass of bruises, from head to toe, from skin to heart and back again. Solicitous hands tried to help him, but he shrugged them off; solicitous murmurs followed him, annoying the crap out of him, for there were sounds of infinite sadness all around, and he knew the weeping was for Him. For the betrayal, for His death. If only he couldn’t _hear_ anything.

An endless, timeless three days later, Judas stumbled over yet another fog–shrouded object, fell to his knees, and found himself kneeling before Him. Not so long ago, in his life–bound arrogance, he would have got straight back up again and faced Him, man to man. Now he stayed there on his knees, swaying, pathetic, unable to see Him, but sensing Him with every other faculty he possessed. Sensing Him with his soul – and who knew he had one of those?

A solicitous hand on his bent head, running back over his hair; but they were His hands this time, so Judas felt no angry impatience. Only desperation. Crippling anxiety. Guilt. Grief. A world’s worth of these things. Stripped to his essence, he deplored who he’d been. What his life had been.

‘You did what you had to do,’ Jesus said in gentle reassurance. It wasn’t even a remonstrance. ‘You fulfilled your role.’

‘All part of the Ineffable Plan?’ Obviously a tatter remained of his life–bound sarcasm.

‘Yes.’

And then… and then… Dear God! Then Jesus, too, fell to His knees, and He took Judas into His arms, and Judas tumbled into what had always been his own definition of heaven, and at last Judas cried.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said through the tears and the snot another timeless while later. ‘I’m sorry.’ Hopelessly inadequate, but what else was there to say? ‘ _Christ_ , I’m sorry.’

‘You must come and speak with my Father. Our Father. He will tell you that you did what you had to do. He will assure you in ways I cannot.’ A gently chiding tone now: ‘You always put so much effort into avoiding Him, and there is no need.’

Judas’s life–bound dependence on words, when all he need do was rest there in Jesus’s arms. The only place he’d ever really wanted to be. Rest there and let his soul – His soul! Who knew? – let his soul soak up the understanding.

♦

Eventually the fog lifted, even though the details remained indistinct. Judas walked around this place that was supposed to be Heaven, scowling, squinting, frustrated at the colossal inadequacies. Half–suspecting that he was completely unable to get it. But not really believing any more that there was anything to get. The one thing that was distinct, though, was Him. He shone so bright and so clear that Judas could see Jesus from what would have been hundreds of miles away, if they’d been in a place where distance mattered. Where time mattered.

‘I loved you,’ he said, lying there in Jesus’s arms. Nothing untoward about the embrace, of course, but Judas confessed, ‘I loved you in every way there ever was to love.’

‘I know,’ He murmured.

‘That’s what your father gets for sending you down as a man, you know?’ Life–bound blasphemy. ‘You get desired as a man.’

‘I know.’ He didn’t need to say it, but he did. Jesus didn’t need to say anything. There was infinite patience and understanding waiting there for Judas to fall into. But Judas refused to wallow. Life–bound pride.

‘I loved you! God damn me to hell, I loved you… and I love you still.’

Judas wept.

♦

‘We should go back.’ It all became clearer. ‘We should go back again.’ Life–bound enthusiasm. ‘This time, _this_ time, it will end differently. This time, we’ll get it right. _I’ll_ get it right.’

‘How can it end differently?’ Jesus asked, His glance a compassionate caress.

‘I’ll _know_ this time. I’ll remember. I won’t get jealous; I won’t betray you; I’ll believe in you. I won’t try to force you into doing things my way.’

They stood there together, looking at the world below, watching poor wretched humanity struggle to get it right. Jesus’s hand slipped into Judas’s and rested there, palm to palm.

‘We’ll get it right, and we’ll finally make a difference. You’ll get the chance to save them. _Really_ save them.’

‘And what if it ends the same way?’ Jesus asked, turning away from the world. Turning to Judas. ‘Could you bear the pain once more?’

‘It won’t come to that.’

‘It has always come to that.’

Judas growled. ‘I’ll risk it.’ And then he looked at his love. His Love. ‘Will _you_?’

Jesus smiled, though there was sadness in it. Infinite sadness. ‘Yes. I will bear it. If that is what we must do.’

‘Of course it is! These people need saving. They need their Saviour – I know that now.’

Infinite compassion. Jesus lifted His other hand and ran palm and fingers back over Judas’s hair. Then He leaned in close, and pressed a kiss to Judas’s lips.

Judas stepped back. Staggered back, as if it had been a blow. ‘What d’you do that for?’

‘I am returning your kiss. Be careful how you give it to me on earth.’

‘We’re going back?’

‘Yes.’ A smile. Infinitely wry. ‘Yes.’

‘It matters, the way I kiss you?’

‘Yes.’

Judas stared at Him. His Love. Dared to hope. A world’s worth of hope beat its wings in his heart. He nodded once. He understood. This time it would end differently. This time he’d remember.

♦


End file.
